Notice how some people are naturally exuberant? Enthusiastic, vibrant, full of life, constantly bubbling with new thoughts and ideas and trying out new things. Such people are real fun to be with. I admire them truly. The best option, of course, is to actually be such a person. Which brings me to the big question, am I like that? Remember the cheesy Britannia ad, ‘Na re na na, 50-50’? That applies to me in this regard, I guess.
Another question, ever noticed how most people behave differently based on the company they are in? That’s the way it works for me too, but I do carry the concept to its logical extreme. I think I have probably been three or four completely different persons in my short life so far.
There was the bright outgoing me in school, the teacher’s pet, first to answer questions in class, usually made the class monitor every year, enthusiastic participant in all extra-curricular activities (except for dancing and sports), editor of one of the school magazines, you name it! Then something unfortunate happened during the tail end of my schooling years, I made the wrong kind of friends and paid dearly for my mistakes. I withdrew into my shell, becoming a quiet shy person in school and a bullying rebel at home.
In junior college I was lucky enough to find a great gang of friends, ten of us, all girls. We had great fun in those two years, lots of adventures, bunking classes and loafing around the campus, chatting, going to the movies, shopping, celebrating each other’s birthdays in a grand fashion and holding impromptu parties at each other’s homes. The best part was a wonderful best friend that I made, my friendship with her is one of the rare ones that are strong enough to withstand the test of time.
In the first year of engineering college I continued to be the enthusiastic me, participating in college activities and making lots of new friends. Then somehow, somewhere, I just lost steam. This time there was no unfortunate incident, nothing extraordinary that happened. I simply lost my confidence and withdrew into my shell again. I did well in my studies, maintained two of my close friendships and a few more casual ones, but that’s about it. No more college activities, no interactions with seniors and no hanging out with the class gang. It still puzzles me why I did that.
I recently met a senior from college, someone I spent some great times with during the rehearsals for the annual day play during my first year, and whom I stopped speaking to during my tortoise phase later. This guy greeted me enthusiastically, remembering me as he had known me in my first year. That got me thinking, why did I change? Why?
A while ago, I decided I am tired of this game of see-saw now. I want to be one of those fun persons I was talking about earlier. All the time, not just for a phase and not just with some people. I want to be cheerful and friendly, I want to do things rather than dream of them, I want to get in touch with old friends and make new ones. So many things to do, if only I have the grit to take them up.
Some would say a personality change is not a piece of cake, others would argue it’s a recipe for disaster. I’m sure some would even go so far as to say there’s something wrong in me for thinking this way. But hey, its my life! And I’ve decided this is what I want for myself. So there I go, in search of a fun life! Tips, anyone?