All that happens, happens for the best!
Remember this feel-good message we were taught as kids? The Hindu belief in ‘karma’ is the logical extension of this philosophy, isn’t it? So I have seen several of my friends and family rationalize bad situations with a sigh and a ‘Perhaps this was meant to be!’ over the years. Not that they do not give their best shot, but when things don’t go as planned, they believe in accepting the situation as God’s/Nature’s will and moving on with life.
There is some truth to this aphorism, I think.
I picked up a sad bunch of friends in school. And I didn’t do too well in an exam generally accorded life-and-death importance in India. Since both these events occurred within the same period of time, it is safe to say they were inter-related. Anyhow, so my parents had to pay through their nose to get me into a college of our choice.
The upside to this story? I learned my lessons pretty well. I was VERY careful with the friends I made in college and I got my act together to emerge as the topper in my oh-so-competitive engineering class four years down the line. With hindsight, I’d say those jolts did me a world of good.
But is it always easy to accept, move on or walk away?
The jolts I experienced were mild compared to certain other scenarios. What happens when important things go wrong, when the entire script for our lives goes haywire? What if person x was told, for example, that she cannot have a baby naturally and will need medical assistance to conceive? And that the baby she conceives will be ‘two to four times more likely to be born with certain types of birth defects than infants conceived naturally’?
What if you or I were in this position? Would we go ahead with the treatment, fully knowing the risks involved? Or would we decide to stop trying and consider other options like adoption instead?
Nature might know best – is it wiser to accept that after all?
There are no easy answers and I have no idea what choice I’d make myself. But I do know I feel uneasy messing with nature in general. The article makes a similar point too.
“The big question it raises is, is there something biologically different about people with infertility,” Ginsburg said. “It wouldn’t be shocking to find out that there may be some biological difference that makes it more difficult for them to conceive as well as putting them at risk of a higher chance of having babies with some sort of adverse outcome.”
From what I understand, horrific and cold though it sounds, there’s a good chance nature never meant person x to have a biological baby at all. So she might be able to conceive with medical help, but her body may not be ready to nurture the baby even then. So you’d probably keep plying her with tests and vitamins to ensure a safe pregnancy. And God forbid, if there’s a birth defect later, it might end up being a lifelong battle for the sweet little baby. It’s tough to keep up with nature, isn’t it?
Each situation is different of course, but in general I believe fighting the forces will turn out counterproductive in the end. So I would rather exercise and eat well to stay plump but fit all my life than get a liposuction done to turn svelte overnight. Trivial example, I know, but you get my point, don’t you? Let nature run its course as far as possible is what I was taught and believe in.
So nature knows best – but do we listen?
I am 26, young and reasonably healthy today, and at the right child-bearing age I’m told. So there is this constant pressure towards parenthood. And I know the concerns are valid. But I don’t feel prepared for this life-changing step yet!
A lot of my friends aren’t even married! The ones who are, are applying to business schools, studying for their doctorates or busy chasing other dreams. A baby is not even on the distant horizon for them. I have no such ambitions for now and a baby is definitely on my near horizon somewhere, but I feel emotionally unprepared just the same.
Do I enter motherhood in an unprepared (some would say immature) frame of mind and learn my lessons on the job, risking my child’s emotional growth in the process? Or do I take a few more years preparing myself for this awesome responsibility and risk potential medical complications in my thirties? Or worse, risk not being able to conceive at all?
I wonder if my friends who dilly-dally with marriage or are just entering doctorate school and aren’t planning a baby for the next five years worry about this? I know I do! Because while we all think this through, the biological clock keeps ticking and none of us can deny it. And medical technology might have advanced tremendously but there are occasions when it appears to contemplate defeat before nature after all.
There are no easy answers, are there?