Chapter 1 – Plan your entrance right
It’s all about timing! Due dates are complete nonsense – stick to them to your own peril. Arriving a couple of weeks late is acceptable, but the best way to make a dramatic entrance is to arrive early – the earlier the better of course.
Chapter 2 – Make dressing up time fun
Swaddle blankets are your sworn enemy – they need to be actively fought at all times. Kicks and squirms come in handy in ensuring the blanket is tied as loosely as possible. And of course a loose blanket helps when you are ready to wriggle your way out of it completely a few minutes later. The same goes for booties and mittens. The trick is to avoid getting them on in the first place. But sometimes the stupid things tend to stay on. In those cases, they need to returned to the poor moms/dads/grannies trying to dress you up as soon as possible. Expert mischief-makers are usually able to hand over the first mitten while the poor folks are struggling to get the second one on.
Chapter 3 – Breastfeeding time is playtime
Moms have all the time in the world – especially at night. Plus they love to hold a seven pound baby in their hands for hours on end – it helps to build their arm muscles you see. So try and stretch your half hour feeding session to as long as possible. It’s perfectly acceptable to take a break to look all around you every few minutes. After all, you need to keep an eye on everyone and everything. (It’s a wonder how these folks managed before you came along!) Making faces at mom is good too – the weirder the better. Going cockeyed from time to time has been found to work best at soothing exasperated moms in such situations.
To be continued…